i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
