Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
