We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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