how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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