well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
