I am puke
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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