If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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