i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Of course I have a pirate flag
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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