and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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