When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
