do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
