Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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