i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
