Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
