It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
time to smoke my breakfast
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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