the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
