We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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