Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
