he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
