Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
