Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
