I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
