was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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