I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
