Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
