Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Drunk is not a location!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
