all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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