I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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