shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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