my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
