finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
