grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
