I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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