they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
