K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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