My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
