it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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