My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
