PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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