Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
