wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
