just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
