Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize