WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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