i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think your dad took our porno
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Randomize
