He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
