Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
