Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize