have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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