I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize