I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
