The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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