HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize