so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
