I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
