def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
