What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
