the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
