So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
