we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
