he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
