I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
