you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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