Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize