I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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