I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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