Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
