oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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