He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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