Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
