the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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