how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
