Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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