I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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