soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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