Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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