: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
