My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
