I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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