If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Come see our sink grown plant.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
