Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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