PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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