Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
