that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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