i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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