if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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