hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We need a shit load of segways right now
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
