Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She tied me up with her honor cords...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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