i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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