he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
