some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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