I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
