he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Randomize
