Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
