don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
