just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
