she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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