mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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