I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize