The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
