Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
What drink are we having for lunch?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
