FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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