PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
