You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
