Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize